OMG! You look fabulous. Spill the beans. Who's the doctor and how much did you spend?

Don't be ridiculous. You don't need to go under the knife to look great. All you need is willpower.

Huh. No one got thin just on willpower.

Believe me, when you're eating nothing but a handful of nuts all day, all you have is willpower.

But look at the bright side: the diet must have saved you money.

No chance, darling. I got this beautiful bod at a 'starvation vacation'. It cost me a bomb.

What is this world coming to? I go on holiday only to pig out, not starve.

It's what the celebs are doing. From Sarah Ferguson who went on a detox retreat to Beyonce who lost 10 kilos by drinking a bizarre cocktail of just water, lemon juice, natural tree syrup and cayenne pepper for two weeks. The mantra is simple: skimp on meals for a skimpy body.

I still don't want to live on fresh air.

It's not like we don't eat at all. One of the spas offering this vacation is the Mayr Clinic in Austria where they feed you stale bread (chewed to a thin pulp before swallowing), broths and herbal infusions. The idea is to give your digestive system a break. One gets up at 7am, drinks Epsom salts and then exercises for an hour. Then you have tea or broth and bread for breakfast. Of course, if you want to eat more you could always head to The Ranch at Live Oak Malibu. Here, guests are fed a menu prepared by a renowned chef, but restricted to 1, 500 calories a day. If you think that's plenty, think again. This has to last you through two yoga sessions and a 12-mile morning mountain hike.

That just sounds like a brutal bootcamp.

No gain without pain, right. And hey, don't I look fab in this bandage dress?

I'll try a Navratra fast instead. I think the gods invented it for a reason.