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Bade Achche Lagte Hain

'Can't be monogamous? Don't get married'


HAPPILY MARRIED: Kapoor with wife, Gautami Kapoor, also a television actor.

Ram Kapoor on that crazy lil' thing called love...

What is your definition of love?

It is impossible to give a definition of love. You've got to be a poet to describe love. I consider myself lucky in the love department but I have never been able to describe it and will not attempt to either.

Bade Achche Lagte Hain is a 'mature love story'. What do you think makes it so popular across all age groups?

If this question could be answered, we would not have bad TV shows. I think it works for a combination of many reasons. It's very different. As you said, it's a mature love story. Also Ektaa (Kapoor) and the team have made a conscious effort to treat this with a lot of realism and not fall into the trappings of a daily soap. Ektaa has also given instructions to the writers on the same. Besides, Sakshi (Tanwar) and I consciously make it as real as possible, which is different for television.

Would you ever do a role that betrays your beliefs?

Isn't that what acting is all about? Do you think what Aamir Khan portrayed in Ghajini or Amitabh Bachchan did in Agneepath was in accordance with their personal beliefs?

What is your take on extra-marital affairs?

They are very common. Marriage is a very difficult institution and I have many friends in the industry who have roaring extra-marital affairs going on. And in India, with its tradition of arranged marriages, it is possible that you don't always end up with right person. So unless you've been lucky enough to choose your own life partner, the risk of an affair is always there.

Love or arranged marriage?

Though mine was a love marriage and I've now been successfully married for over nine years, that doesn't mean love marriages are better than arranged. Statistics have it that many love marriages have failed. Also, arranged marriages can work as parents don't always choose badly. After all they are choosing for their own child. It all depends on how lucky you are.

How did you know she was the one?

She drugged me. Just kidding. We were work colleagues and later became very good friends. I even received dating advice from her and exactly when that friendship had blossomed into love, neither of us has been able to classify.

Do you think marriage is necessary?

I don't think it is necessary. I got married at the age of 30 and was lucky to get married in the right phase in my life, after I was done partying and living the wild life. But I do believe that marriage is not for everyone. I know some very senior people who are not married and phenomenally happy despite not having the label of marriage. But if you are happy, want to grow old together and want the stamp of approval from society, by all means, do it.

To what extent will you go to save your relationship?

To any extent that one has to. When you have children, and I have two lovely kids, your life takes a different turn. You start living your life for them. If I did not have kids, I might probably have not gone very far.

What would you not forgive in love?

I would be able to forgive everything. You know, these same questions have been asked of me ten years back, and my answers were very different then. You undergo different phases in love. Earlier, there were times when we would not talk to each other for four to five days after a fight. But now, within four-five hours, we start texting each other. Our relationship has matured.

Is monogamy unnatural?

Yes, it is unnatural. We are not really meant to be monogamous, none of the mammals are. And now society has accepted that. But if you choose not to be monogamous, you shouldn't be in a marriage.

How important is being in love to you?

It's the most important thing. Every person on this planet should be in love. It teaches you so many things. You experience so many emotions and learn to appreciate so many things about life. It's better to be in love and get your heart badly broken than to not experience the feeling at all. I feel very sorry for people in their thirties, like Ram Kapoor and the Priya of Bade Acche Lagte Hain, who've never experienced it.

What's the nicest thing about your wife?

She has an amazing ability to give love to her children, husband, mother, in-laws, everyone. I can only give a certain amount but she has a tremendous capacity to give love.

What's your favourite love song?

Have you ever really loved a woman? It's the lead song by Bryan Adams in Don Juan DeMarco.

What comes first - love or sex?

Love. Sex is a very short emotion. Love can last forever.

Reader's opinion (4)

Viswabharati MenonOct 11th, 2011 at 19:01 PM

Monogamy is a very natural behavior.It is not at all unnatural.

Sagarika AnandSep 8th, 2011 at 09:55 AM

Many, many animals are monogamous. Some die if the spouse dies,others are mainly homosexual/lesbian and some try all possibilities. So monogamy is NOT unnatural. If it is unnatural for you, dont worry too much if your wife has someone else's baby: after all its only natural...if nature is yr reason!

Abhishek MathurSep 27th, 2011 at 14:05 PM


Every possible behavior exists in nature, however whichever is in an extreme minority is considered Unnatural by science & common logic. You are entitled to you opinion , however wrong it may be, but there is no need to get personal about someone.

Neha AgarwalSep 5th, 2011 at 18:33 PM

articles are great but i need to see the article called 'elastic mangalsutra'

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