Don't my nails good enough to eat?

Colourful. Looks like you used doughnut sprinkles on them.

That's not sprinkles. It's caviar. You're looking at the latest in nail art, the caviar manicure.

You're putting beluga on your nails! Shouldn't that be reserved for blinis?

Calm down. These didn't come from a fish. Nail caviar is a collection of tiny glass beads sprinkled over wet nails for a cool,

textured effect. It was developed by the nail polish brand Ciate. You could also get rhinestone embellishments in the shape of bows or paint them in hot pink leopard spots. Very cool, very chic.

I'd rather stick to the French manicure.

Move with the times. The classic French manicure now has an upside-down twist.

An upside-down French manicure? Do I need to hang from the roof to get one?

Shh. Are you being daft on purpose? Instead of painting the tips white, it's the bottom of the nail which is either left nude

or painted some other colour. It's the rage on the catwalks - Dior, Marc Jacobs and Philip Lim, had it. Even Lady Gaga, who paired a flesh-toned varnish with a glossy black accent, and Rihanna, who topped off a metallic pink nail with a gold nail-bed are big fans of the trend.

I can barely remember to cut my nails. And no way am I slathering caviar, real or artificial, on them.

You need to learn from Jolie. Her favourite beauty treatment is a caviar skin cream.

Next you'll be suggesting the placenta cream. I'd rather live with my wrinkles.